Monday, November 9, 2009

This is why I have the ability to hate.

So this goes out to all you teenie boppers. You know who you are.
I think it necessary to start with telling you three truths.
1. I sincerely don’t hate YOU. Just what I’m discussing.
2. This is not my entire opinion, I don’t have the effort to write all that down.
3. This is a rant. It is possible to argue against it. All who try to do so are likely to be given one heck of a death stare and are better off not talking to me for at least 5 minutes after doing so.

Firstly, what am I talking about? It’s 3 capital letters that stand for instantaneous sickeningness in me. H. S. M. Or if you want the words that send me into a state of oligophrenia, High School Musical. Now I don’t know what you’re thinking, so I’m going to skip right ahead to what I’m thinking, and that would be that this is - despite my opinion still being so well known - absolutely acceptable as a way to spend my time.
Looking at it, the general plotline is a pathetically structured teen love musical specifically aimed at teenie boppers, revolving around a basketballer and a… well I think the idea is she’s a geeky kid. I think we should first examine the protagonists of the story. It features Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale.
Zac Efron. I don’t know why the name generates such disturbing reactions from so many hormonal girls. It takes half a second of looking at him and you can tell he’s not that crash hot. I wont go into a long detailed rant about his appearance, but honestly, standards of girls these days have changed. All the same, each to their own I guess. His singing ability hurts me. No really, it’s ongoing pain. Actually everyone in that movie does this to me. I don’t know why they feel the need to gride my ears with their voices. When singing he makes it sound like he has issues knowing when to take a breath, which is ALMOST as annoying as people who’s singing is airy. The only airy singing I can stand is by Emmy Rossum, and for crying out loud she sings in Phantom of the Opera and there was nothing airy about that. Anyway, his actual character is about as original as the phrase “your mum”. The typical “hot guy” (bahahahahahahahaha) he plays basketball and yet is this amazing sensitive person who also likes singing. I wonder where guys like that actually exist, and why the hell girls want one. Bluntly he’s a frustrating, unrealistic, poorly casted, musical failure of a dissight.
In contradistinction to him, Vanessa Hudgens plays this pretty, geeky, musically gifted girl who met him through a little singalong thing where she took half a second to fall for Zac’s character Troy. Depressingly they were then torn apart at the end of the summer. However at school they are reunited as she has transferred there! (I know, it’s like fully oh em gee get OUT, right!?). Gabriella (V.H.) is even thinking about signing up for the school musical! WOW!
Already I had contracted a heavy case of aprosexia all because of the distressing harmonies that had been brought forth in previous songs. As soon as the primary opposition stepped on screen I could have started crying. No really, she hurt my eyes. We wont even go there.
It made me twitch with the “all in sing-alongs” I mean, dancing is achievable if people pay enough attention to what everyone else is doing. However musically, I think it’s impossible for everyone to have the exact same afflatus. About as likely as Grease, only with less enjoyment gained from the experience.
Yes, I’ve been ranting.
Summing up, High School Musical seems to be a dominating cause of stupidity in young children today. It is a musical failure with no appeal to the more advanced of our society (yeah it’s legitimate for me to say that too. Can you imagine Mozart watching that?). The only reason I can imagine myself watching that again (yes, I have seen it. How else do you think I can rant about it?) is to remind myself why I hate the new Disney and that things can ONLY get better when they really have reached rock bottom. It is there to destroy the concept of the musical and to entertain tweeniboppers with temporary fantasies of an unrealistic images of what perfection should be according to American pop stereotypes. It makes me sick.
That is all I have to say at the moment. I couldn’t be bothered to take a full rant.

1 comment:

  1. Hahahahaha best blog post yet. glad you took the time to say what we all think (most of us anyway.) =)