Sunday, February 22, 2009

My Lava Lamp Knows All

Originally posted today,

You know, I think this is all some evil ploy created by the smurfs in retaliation for me revealing their secret location. Honestly it shouldn't be happening. Anyway I'll get to the point.

We all have secrets. Except for those of us that don't. One thing I have learned is that girls were never really made to keep secrets. We talk a lot. Now if you're sitting there thinking "oh snap, I told her a secret and now she tells me she can't keep one!" then don't worry, I can. I mean honestly, I work at a chemist! Confidentiality is somewhat compulsory. You can trust me. If you want. Now I seem to be selling myself off as someone who isn't trustworthy, so I will stop here.
The point that I was getting too was that perhaps it's harder for girls to keep secrets than guys. Putting it bluntly. Girls are lame. In a nice way.

Girls, chillax. It's not only us. Boys are lame. In a nice way. Maybe we're both as dumb as each other, maybe I'm just sick of secrets and the guys that make them. I'm not sure. So I will say that when I say "in a nice way" I do really mean "in a nice way". The world would be rapidly plunging into chaos if there were no girls. And the same thing would happen if there were no guys.

Guys, I should probably explain why you are so lame. It is because you are the reasons that secrets exist. She did this. He said that. She likes him. They were dating until he killed her pet rock. Sorry to say, even living causes secrets. She secretly thinks he's hot. He doesn't know it, but she actually planned the whole thing. Etc etc. Just to add some perspective.
To further expand on this, girls are lame because we create and keep secrets. She likes him. Oh does she now? Well that's just fabulous if she wasn't such a... lame... person...
yeah. Not really going anywhere so far.

At last I reach my point. Because there are waaaayyy too many secrets, I think everyone should tell everyone else everything. There isn't any need to hide stuff. We don't know when we're going to die, or when someone else will, and if there's anything worse than embarrassment, it's a lost/missed opportunity. So TELL PEOPLE STUFF! Girl, if you like guy, TELL HIM. Guy, if you like girl, TELL HER. Girl, if you have issue, DISCUSS IT. Guy, if you killed her pet rock, FEEL REALLY REALLY GUILTY!

Alternatively, if you are the conservative type, go out and buy a lava lamp and tell everything to it. They're surprisingly understanding I'm sure you'll find. They usually sell for about $20. If you don't have one, or can't get one, feel free to tell mine, as it is there to keeps secrets, not tell them.

My lava lamp knows all.

God Bless,

No comments:

Post a Comment